Sunday, February 13th 2005 4:10pm Pictures updated. Misc Pics, Cat Pictures, and Welbilt at the Canal CLub sections were updated today... |
Wednesday, February 2nd 2005 6:44pm Well, I got my new Web Hosting thru Danny now, kickass. I know there was some downtime last weekend, my fault, but the site is up and running again. Thanks do Danny for the hosting. Hopefully I can do some updates graphically on this site in the coming month, lets hope.... |
Sunday, January 22nd 2005 2:00pm Check out these webpages. |
Tuesday, January 20th 2005 9:07pm Click for full image.... |
Thursday, January 20th 2005 7:00pm Well, I renewed my domain name for another year. I originally set up this website for 2 years, and only renewed for one more because I need to motivate myself to DO something with this website. The money I spent in hosting was not butt expensive, but not cheap. I SHOULD be getting new hosting in the next week or two, so if you notice some down time while this is happening, sorry. I just need to motivate myself to do something with this site besides just post pictures with the money I am putting into it. I can post pictures on a freee site, like geocities. I want to do SOMETHING with this site besides JUST pictures, but I am still unsure as to what. I am ATTEMPTING to learn some PHP so I can do more graphically, but for content, again, besides pictures, I am hitting a brick wall. I am not even sure how many people READ or visit this site because I get little feedback. Oh well... Website of the day, right here baby. |
Tuesday, January 18th 2005 9:01pm Click for full image.... |
Sunday, January 2nd 2005 12:04am Click for full image.... |
Thursday, December 30th 2004 8:37pm http://www.brokenvisage.com/NEW/Sex.html |
Sunday, December 26th 2004 3:55pm Cat Picture update, Misc. Picture update, and Welbilt at the Canal Club Picture folder added. Football on, so I am not saying much. I have some pictures to scan in and post, but that will be left for another day.... Damn, I need a good digital camera..... |
Sunday, November 28th 2004 6:45pm Pictures are done uploading, and the pages work better. Go check them out in the pictures section, even if you have seen them before, some have gotten touch-ups, but not all.... |
Saturday, November 20th 2004 6:30pm One week later, still working on pictures. They should load a LOT faster, I made thumbnails of EVERY picture. Those thumbnails are the preview of the main picture, instead of a shrunk in size, large in file size picture. I am not sure when ALL of the pages, including new ones, will be done... I only have links up to the pages that currently work... |
Saturday, November 13th 2004 5:37pm Major, MAJOR Picture update late tomorrow..... |
Friday, October 15th 2004 10:03pm Two months, I will get better with update, I just need to do pics more and learn PHP5 (got the book last week, so look for improvements within the next month or 2). Don't look for many updates until then. I took down The Broken video, you can get it from their site. It was just too much space for now. Nick from Welbilt is allowing me to post their Budweiser True Music Commercial from last year. Here it is. |
Sunday, August 15th 2004 5:39pm Wow, long time no update. I finally encoded a 3 Meg clip to be viewed. The clip is of Welbilt on the WB's Summerland. It's their song "All I've Ever Tasted" but is is VERY faint. I hope people enjoy. You can view it here. |
Thursday, July 15th 2004 2:09pm New email link on the left, old one will be dissolved on Monday...too much spam....update accordingly... |
Tuesday, July 13th 2004 3:56pm Updated some things, not alot. Just made some links work better. Sorry no new major updates, been job interviewing. Hopefully the Flash object works now, if not, sorry, not sure what I am doing wrong. I gotta get a book on Flash soon... |
Friday, July 2nd 2004 5:18pm Trying out this Flash object, be patient while it loads. I may try to redo all of my picture pages like this,
but I am seeing how this works/loads on my page. It's just using the Flash template, so it's nothing fancy...
I am trying to teach myself more, bear with me....
If you cannot view this image go to http://www.younggotti.com/pictures/Welbilt930.swf and tell me what you think. |
Wednesday, June 30th 2004 9:42am Yesterday I added some new picture sections from this past weekend. I changed the layout somewhat of the Picture page. I also added some pictures to the Cat Pics and Misc. Pics sections. Besides picture updates, I don't have much in terms of updates here, sorry... |
Wednesday, June 23rd 2004 10:41am I added a PayPal donation button on the left. I just was checking stats and if there are as many people as
it says coming to this site, I got allot more than I thought. This site is free, I just put the donation link up
if you like the site, and wish to donate to me for my work. If everyone who visits this site donates $1.00
a month, I could pay the cost of my webhosting with it, and maybe even get some new programs to work with to improve
my site. I was looking into Google ads to make money for the site, but I am still iffy on all that fine print. This is a way
I MAY make SOME money off of my site, if you don't want to donate, then don't, it's totally voluntary...
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Friday, June 18th 2004 1:53pm Updated a shit load of links. Also tweaked some picture locations on my FTP server. If and pictures don't show up, email me and let me know, but I think I got the tweakings covered... |
Thursday, June 17th 2004 3:47pm Incorporating my LiveJournal now. As stated, THIS update area will be for website updates OR other stuff I feel worthy. The LiveJournal page and updates will be for personal stuff (my life, etc, non web stuff) or rants and opinions. |
Thursday, June 17th 2004 12:20pm Congrats to the Pistons, who beat the Lakers for the title. I fixed some broken picture links, and added a few pictures to my Misc. Pics section and Cat Pics section. The near 8 inches of rain we got yesterday morning got into my car parked on the street. Not too bad though, it's near dry now. The water was ASS cold though. Oh well, that's all for now... |
Wednesday, June 9th 2004 10:42am I fixed the meta tag problem. The pages SHOULD auto-refresh every 5 minutes now. Detroit blew it last night, they could have been up 2-0 on the crappy Lakers, but they blew it. Rasheed Wallace is NOT a 3-pt. shooter. Oh well, they got their 1 game in LA they needed.... |
Tuesday, June 8th 2004 11:00pm I fixed up some links, no new links added. I also updated every page with some meta tags about the cashe. In OT, go DETROIT! |
Tuesday, June 8th 2004 2:13pm Donna and I went to the Sparta show last night. A Sioux Falls radio station, The Crow (www.krro.com) was sponsoring the event and it was hosted in a hotel, the Oaks Hotel, in a conference room. The venue was a little small, and HOT AS BALLS. For the turnout though, the size was ok. I was expecting 600+ ppl but only saw MAYBE 400 at any given time. I cannot recall the name of the opening band, as the mumbled it, but that is why I did not like them. Here is the reason, they played ONE SONG. ONE!!! And they played that ONE song FOUR TIMES!! It was the same song, but modified slightly, and it was INSTRUMENTAL only. NO vocals, NO lyrics, just ONE song FOUR times. ARGH! I was liking the originality of the keyboard player (the sounds that were not piano - oriented) and the violin player. Lloyd Dobler Effect (www.lloyddoblereffect.com) does it better though. Next up was the All State Champions (www.allstatechampion.ca) from Canada. They were not GREAT but not BAD, just, good. I wish I could hear their vocals more, the instruments were just too loud. This is when an ongoing problem started, Moshing. Moshing in a SMALL place with FOUR ppl who are surrounded by 5+ girls and MAYBE 4 guys who DO NOT want to mosh is NOT a good idea ppl. THINK! All it did was PISS OFF EVERYONE THERE, especially Donna and I. We were getting bumped all around and I started elbowing the moshers...fun for none. The third band was better, Engine Down (www.enginedown.com). We could hear them better, but being live, not greatly. At this time everyone is hot, and sweaty, and cramped. Fucking moshers still going at it from time to time and pissing more people off. There was a no moshing policy, which obviously wasn't enforced. Finally, Sparta (www.spartamusic.com) got on stage. Major recording artits are few and far between around here so it's good to see one. Fuel and Tantric have a show in July, and I THINK in August, Trapt has one too, and I THINK they are bigger venues, at least, I HOPE SO. Sparta really didn't shock me with a WOW, they were good, but not a good as hyped up to be. I have been to a lot of shows in the past few years, and I have seen the same from lesser bands. You were the headliner, IMPRESS US. My personal highlight of the evening came in an event which pissed Donna off, but made me laugh. Some drunk dumbass in a blue shirt (named as Blue from here on out) was apparently saying something to some girl behind Donna about 4 songs or so into the Sparta set saying that he was going to start some shit. Blue pushed pass Donna and I, and spoke to three girls in front of us, one at a time, saying something I could not hear, but apparently, pissing them off. He then called to the roadie on stage and said a few words to him that didn't sit quite well with the roadie. The Sparta roadie forcefully placed his hands on the guys face, fingers in his mouth, jumping off the stage, pushing the fuck out of this guy. Moving though the crowd, the guy is pushed onto the ground, and eventually kicked out, only to try to re-enter later, but stopped at the door by the security guard. Watching someone get their ass kicked who deserved it, is always a great site to see at concerts, but Donna was pissed, and we walked to the back of the "room." We listened to a few more songs before we left. As always, I posted pictures up, some are great, some OK, some I had to touch up a bit because they were TOO dark. Wow, long update... |
Monday, June 7th 2004 2:38pm I uploaded The Broken Episode 1. It is available to download here. |
Monday, June 7th 2004 12:05pm I updated the color scheme of the site, I think it looks better... I also updated my pictures page over the past view days with a newer layout, new pictures in Cat Pics, and new sections, but I didn't post it here until now. I will be updating the links section later today or tomorrow, but for now check out www.thebroken.org. I need to get to work with EBay postings.... |
Friday, May 28th 2004 10:32am Wow, I am a rapper, apparently, looks like some people are very stupid, Kurupt's site is youngotti.com,
one g, not 2, or younggotti.net (redirect link), but I am glad for the hits... |
Thursday, May 27th 2004 9:13pm Pics of my Dad in a NASCAR racecar are up, taken a few years ago. Also, ONLY this page has been changed so far (Text Color, Table Color, Table Border Color), I would like feedback, EMAIL ME. Let me know if this color is selection is better.. Wow, watching the Calgary/Tampa Bay game (Stanley Cup Playoffs), This guy for Tampa got his ASS BEAT for like 2 minutes without anyone breaking it up, but they are still winning 4-0, oh well, series will be tied now 1-1. Let me know about the new color scheme, I am going back to the game, then T-Wolves/Lakers end of Game 4 in the Western Conference Finals.... |
Monday, May 24th 2004 4:52pm More Cat Pictures up, and this one, of Donna's car...
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Wednesday, May 19th 2004 7:35pm More updates in the pictures section. I added 3 more pictures to the Cat Pics and I uploaded pics from the baseball game Donna and I went to last night....Back to Smallville.....(on tv).... |
Tuesday, May 18th 2004 11:15am Well, I updated the pictures section. I added more to the Cat Pictures section, and I added a new section, this past weekends trip to Minneapolis. The majority of the pics are of Camp Snoopy and Lego Land, from the Mall of America. I wasn't attempting to get individual rides in the Camp Snoopy pictures, but mainly the size and scope of the park inside of the mall. |
Tuesday, May 11th 2004 10:03am All about MacGyver on Spike TV at 11am/10 Central...for me... |
Tuesday, April 27th 2004 2:00am I added some more links and quick links to the left... Damn insomnia, let's try to get back to sleep.... |
Saturday, April 24th 2004 10:25pm Links Section greatly improved. Back to Anime on Cartoon Network.... |
Thursday, April 22nd 2004 4:52pm Well, not using the Flash stuff. Apparently it's for making a Flash SITE, not PAGE or EFFERCT. I don't want completely, Flash-only site. Oh well. For those of you who do not know, I am getting to be a bigger hockey fan each day. The Stanley Cup Playoffs are in full effect, and tonight starts Round 2. The Flames play the Redwings on ESPN and the Maple Leafs play the Flyers on ESPN2 at 6pm (7 Eastern). Then, the Avalanche play the Sharks on EPSN2 at 9pm (10 Central). To top it off, Survivor is on CBS at 7, then Kingdom Hospital is on at 8...so there will be channel flipping... Kingdom Hospital, if you haven't started to watch it yet, you missed like, 7 episodes, so wait until repeats or DVD, it's amazing, but it's not a show that you can miss one week and still know what is going on. I looked up stats today for this page, hits, page views, etc. It does decent, not spectacular, but decent, which makes me think of maybe placing ads to make some $$. Why would I do this you ask, well, it doesn't hurt if they are not like, annoying pop-ups or BIG and blocky. Google has a way to place ads that don't interfere with you site, I may try it out, like LINKS I can put of the left side, like I do now but these links would make me money if clicked on. Opinions are welcome... Well, that's it for me ranting today, I hope to do some work tomorrow on here, maybe some more links/updated pictures on the links page...who knows... |
Tuesday, April 20th 2004 10:04am I did a "fade" transition between pages about a week ago, but didn't think it was noteworthy of an update. I uploaded some pictures from Donna's digital camera onto the site, the new pictures can be seen in what else, the pictures section. Since the pictures were all from the digital camera, the sections are not complete until I get ahold of the other pictures from the events. That's all for now, working on soem flash objects for the site, using a free flash builder. It's not spectacular, but will add a little bit of flavor to this site. |
Friday, April 2nd 2004 1:26pm I hope people like the new look. I was updating it most of this week, but I did not want to make a post until I got more done. I got a new logo, on the top, of every page, as well as the quick links on the left of every page now. The main problem I had was making the quick links link into the middle section. The Welbilt and Broken Visage quick links will open up in a new window, as well as all links in the links section. All of the pictures I posted will now "pop-up" in a separate window, instead of the same window. I hope this makes it a lot easier. All I need to do now is fix some picture orientations and sizes....fun fun... |
Wednesday, March 24th 2004 1:39pm Well, I FINALLY uploaded all the pictures I took at TT Reynolds and Whitlows. Check them out in the pictures section. I uploaded ALL of the pictures, sorry some of them did not turn out as hoped due to the flash being REALLY close to people and "whitening" the picture alot or other people moving bottles in the way and messing up certain pictures. I always want to upload ALL of the pictures to show that, not all pictures come out perfect, and I like my "work" to be shown as-is. I could "clean" some up using Photoshop or other programs, but I like the "purity" of the pictures, as-taken. My camera met it's death at Whitlows, thus, only 7 pictures...but it is a good excuse to get a new one, a better one. Whenever I start to work out here, I will be putting aside money to finally get a digital camera, so when I come back to Maryland for a visit and take pictures at the next Welbilt show I attend, they will come out better. I hope to keep this site more updated....sorry... |
Wednesday, March 17th 2004 4:21pm Happy St. Patrick's Day. I fixed a problem on the links page, and will be updating more this week, with pictures, I hope... New Banner for Ben's site is below, he made it...
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Wednesday, February 25th 2004 7:52pm Moving to Sioux Falls on the 13th of March to be with Donna. I probably will not update my site again until after I move. I will have cable internet out there so expect more updates then in the past 8 months. The only update for today, is a banner to link to Ben's site.
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Sunday, January 25th 2004 4:49pm I fixed and updated the links and archive sections yesterday. Today, I uploaded pictures of Welbilt headlining the 9:30 Club in DC on the 16th AND about 1/3 of the pictures when Donna came to Maryland to visit me. I did not take all those pictures from Donna's trip, some were taken by Donna, Tricia, or Tim. Tricia is Donna's friend in South Dakota and Tim is my friend from Jersey. I will probably finishing scanning and uploading those pictures throughout the week. I need to update this more, I know... I AM working on a Title page before you come to this page (index) and hopefully will get it up sometime soon. |
Friday, January 23rd 2004 8:51pm Wow, I cannot believe it has been this long since I update, I apologize. I made a 2nd trip to South Dakota in December, and the holidays and all... I updated the Archive and Links section SOMEWHAT tonight. Over the weekend I will be updating/scanning more pictures in. I am scanning in the Welbilt 9:30 club pictures from the 16th first and if I have time, pictures from Donna's visit to ME in August..."Peace and Chicken Grease" (as quoted by Flounder) |
Sunday, December 21st 11:45pm Yes I realize the Welbilt pics don't work. I will find and fix the problem tomorrow night..... |
Sunday, December 21st 11:39pm Three new sections in the pictures section done, check it out...I am tired, going to bed.... |
Thursday, December 18th 8:58pm Made a new logo for my site, I like it better, but not quite perfected YET. Also updated my links section last night. New pictures will be scanned in and uploaded THIS WEEKEND. |
Sunday, December 7th 11:26pm Second image I made is below. |
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Sunday, December 7th 6:28pm I updated some, placed a new link button for Penny Arcade and I posted a Welbilt image that I worked on this morning...image follows this post. Also, I made an Archive section that has all of my older posts. Hope people enjoy. |
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Sunday, December 2nd 6:30pm Fixed all picture problems. If anyone comes across any just email me. More pictures will be uploaded this weekend. |
Sunday, November 23rd 10:15pm ALL Chili Cookoff 2003 pictures are up, check them out. |
Sunday, November 23rd 1:16pm I fixed the HFStival pictures to make it 3 pages now, not 1. Load times should be improved with this. Hopefully I can get all my Chili Cookoff 2003 pictures up today, not sure yet. |
Thursday, November 20th 9:54pm Got SOME Chili Cookoff 2003 pictures uploaded. Check them out under the pictures section. |
Sunday, November 16th 8:13pm Took alot of the day updating the HFStival picture page, there are thumbnails for every picture now. If you are on dial-up, good luck. There are 144 pictures to load up, so be ass-patient. Also, I updated the links section. Alot of work got done all in all, I feel like I accomplished a DAY. Holy shit. Well, SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL is about to begin soon. |
Sunday, November 16th 12:51am BED TIME for me. I updated the Shantytown and Rocktoberfest picture sections with thumbnails for every pic. The page will take longer to load, but I think everyone will like it. |
Saturday, November 15th 7:17pm I updated the background/look of the site somewhat; I hope everyone likes it. ALSO: I added a BIG Welbilt banner/link on the main page (here) and in the links section. Welbilt is a great band out of Fairfax, VA...CHECK THEM OUT. DECEMBER 5th is their CD release party, make it if you can, details on their site. Damn, Ohio State won the game against Purdue, Fuck Ohio State. On the bright side, it ended in time to see a 37 tie game between NC State and Florida State...nice timing to be able to watch 2 close college football games...Deja-Vu. In order to win the game, Ohio State and Fla. State need to make FG's, and both are blocked, both games go to overtime. Hopefully Fla. State won't win this one. Wow, I am ranting as always, time to go grab some grub....Who knows when you will see another update, hopefully soon. |
Thursday, November 6th 4:33pm I updated the links section. I am home sick from work, so while sitting here coughing, I decided to do SOMETHING. |
Sunday, October 26th 7:59pm Ok, I got 2 new sections under pictures working, a new logo for my site, and a different backround. Hopefully this is an improvement for everyone, I like it. Check it out, and I appreciate any feedback that anyone has. I am fucking tired, and ready for some more football tonight. |
Sunday, October 26th 12:46pm Wow, 4 months since I updated, sorry guys. As you can tell, I made a logo for the site, and am changing colors to be more user-friendly. I will be updating all day, and may not get everything I want done, but I am trying. This page is best viewed in 1280x1024 resolution, so enjoy. |
Saturday, June 7th 11:39am All of the pictures are now full size....SORRY that some are blurry, it is just the way the digital camera took them, I cannot help that. There ARE however, great pictures, so please check them out, I appreciate feedback... |
Friday, June 6th 10:11pm ALL of my HFStival 2003 picture links are working now. I will touch them up tomorrow. Some are 1/2 size some full size. I will make all of them full size tomorrow. You probably should switch your resolution to 1280 by 1024 for my site. I apologize that SOME pictures came out blurry, but hey, digital camera, it happens. I will HOPEFULLY get to scan in my CHILI COOKOFF 2003 pictures this weekend, so by NEXT weekend, you can view them. |
Thursday, June 5th 10:11pm I got the first 48 links up under pictures. I will get the next 100 or so up tomorrow. |
Saturday, May 31st 12:19pm Since Coffee Cup is a piece of shit HTML editor, I cannot upload pictures. Funny huh? Yes, it is a piece of shit and would not reccomend it to anyone. When I get a new HTML editor that WILL upload pictures, you will be able to view them, I am very sorry, check back for pictures sometime this week. |
Friday, May 30th 10:43p, Experienced problems with pictures, will b fixed tomorrow. I have been sick all week so little time to fix the site. It will be up and working better tomorrow, sorry. |
Monday, May 26th 6:47pm I uploaded all my HFStival pictures, and will be linking them in the coming week under the pictures section. Hope you all enjoy, and I appreciate feedback. |
Friday, February 14th 9:45pm I was thinking of actually updating my livejournal, but decided to FINALLY update/fool around with my site. I am thinking of what do actually use this site for, besides my ranting. I am going to just update some links for tonight, and possibly more this weekend when snowed in. Email me if you have any suggestions. younggotti@younggotti.com |
Saturday, January 25th 5:00pm I found this in a livejournal entry a few years ago. I hope this tides you all over until I can do some more work here. "It was a cold and wet December night, but I was hot. Hot for action. I'm not talking brawling around in bars beating the living daylights out of any guy who so much as looked in my direction, I'm talking the other kind of action. I'm talking dirty. I'm talking "sex" kind of hot. I'm talking no-strings adult fun. I'd been tailing this broad for about a week and a half. She was a babe. Legs from the ankle right up to where they stopped, at the hip. These were serious hips. They read Shakespeare for fun. If they weren't curvy, then Ghandi wasn't a little guy with glasses. And if Ghandi was a little guy with glasses, then those glasses were steamed up. I think it had something to do with the fact that it was impossible to take your eyes off this girl's tits. And if you weren't looking at her tits, you were looking at her ass. And those hips. And her legs. I nearly got a good clear look at her face, but I was tailing her, and my eyes were occupied. Not that kind of tailing her. That would come later. With her friend. About six times. So I'd been following her around for about a week and a half, trying to get wise to her moves, find out where she lived, drank, ate, took a dump, all the kinds of things a guy like me needed to know about a girl like her. So after the twelve-month restraining order had expired, I started following her again. But this time I was smart. I realised that if she saw me I'd be back in the pen, back in the can, being taken up the ass by Mickey "Too Dangerous To Stand Next To On The Subway" McViolent. I didn't want that to happen. I was still learning how to walk straight again, and got the feeling that if I turned up in the C Block john so soon after last time, Big Mickey McV would think we were made for each other and try and offer me his ring. Not that kind of ring. A golden ring; an engagement ring. The kind of ring you get which says "I LOVE YOU, WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, I WANT TO PUMP GALLONS OF SEMEN UP YOUR ASS". Nobody went near Mickey McV's ring. His other ring. Mostly because they were bent forward over the can, and couldn't reach it. Besides, his ass was a lump of muscle that could have split you in half. But I'm digressing. So I started tailing her again. Not that kind of tailing. The other kind. That would come later. With her friend. The blonde one. I got myself a disguise. From the mailman. He didn't exactly give it to me, I kind of stole it. Not that kind of "give it to me". Well, maybe I borrowed it. He wasn't using it anymore. By the time I'd realised it was him, the mailman, and not Mickey McV, who was still in the pen -- but how was I supposed to know that? -- he was already dead. He hit the floor like a turd falling from ... a really big height. A kindof thumpy, splashing sound. That was his milkshake. So I took his uniform. Got it dry-cleaned and the holes darned. It looked as good as new. Those Chinese places are amazing. I had my disguise, and I started following her again. By the time I'd earned parole I was using tampax. Don't ask what for. Mickey McV was long gone. He joined a Convent, found his calling. Gerald "Oh Shit" LamBada was into me by this time, and into me a big way. All the way down. Sometimes I could damn near taste the guy. Sometimes I had to taste the guy, no option. But I got out and started tailing this broad again. I don't need to tell you that it wasn't that kind of tailing. So I was following her again. Turns out she was married with three kids, all teenagers. When I'd first spotted her she was a Freshman in College. I knew I had to be really, really careful this time. I went to a Theatre supply place off Broadway and rented a costume. A Clown's costume. I figured, that was me. A clown. Chasing this broad, this married broad, with three really cute daughters. If it wasn't illegal, I would have switched my tail to the daughters. One of the daughters. Maybe all of them, just to be sure. But I figured the kids were too old to get Mom to hire me for one of their birthday parties. If I wanted to taste their cakes, I was going to have to do it on my own time. Dressed as a clown. Hopefully undressed. The prospects were getting bleaker of ever wearing my birthday suit in anything but all-male company again, but I thought, "Hey. I'm a man. This is what men do." Turns out the Clown costume was a bad idea. Too conspicuous. I nearly got my ass kicked back to the pen for busting my parole, but the board took kindly on me when I refused to sit down. I couldn't sit down. I would have swallowed the chair. I got another costume. Street cleaner. I followed her around for a week, found out where she lived, ate, drank, took a dump. The side of the bed she slept in. Her husbands favourite position ("Fat Monkey Squealing, Happy Chicken Ironing Shirt Eating Skinned Banana Upside-Down"). Her favourite position ("whatever"). Her eldest daughter's favourite position ("Plug The Monkey"). Her youngest daughters favourite position ("Two Monkeys, Both Girls"). Her other daughter's favourite position ("Monkey Eat Confessional Banana, Skinned, Swallow Whole, Sing In Choir"). I found out more than I needed to know. What I needed to know, was this: If I got her drunk enough, would she sit on my face? This happy families deal was getting me down. I knew there was no way I could ever compete. So I went to a bar, ordered a beer, switched to a scotch, then switched back to the beer, and back to the scotch, until the barman looked at me in a way that reminded me of Mickey McV, so I bought the bar, the whole thing. Tables, chairs, waitresses -- what a bunch of waitresses -- and I was in business. A few days later, the door opened. It was December. A December night. Cold. Wet. Dreary. And I was hot. The air conditioning was dead. I shot it accidentally, I thought it was the mailman. And in walked the babe, the broad, the one I'd been tailing all these years and still hadn't managed to tail. She was looking good, real good, for a woman of her age. She ordered a beer. Ordered a scotch. I nearly sold her the bar. She settled on a scotch. She looked at me, kind of quizzical. She knew who I was. "Hey, barkeep," she said. She was talking to me. I was the barkeep. I owned the bar, I kept the bar. I was the barkeep. "Don't I know you from someplace?" "Maybe you do, maybe you don't," I said, replying to what she'd just said. That's how conversation works. Somebody says something, you say something back. And try and make sure that it has something to do with what they just said, or else they'll look at you kind of funny. "I'm just a barkeep, beautiful." "You're not just a barkeep," she said, with that kind of look which says, "I'm going to say something else". I kept my mouth shut and waited. "You're the guy that I had sent to the pen for following me around." "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," I said, although we both knew that I was. "Whatever." She took a slug of the scotch. "You still have the hots for me?" "Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I said. That sentence construction was getting kind of annoying by now. I resolved to change it with my next sentence. "It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't, you know," she said, kind of sad. "My husband is fucking the girl next door. She's eighteen. Tits that point to heaven. Mine point to the floor." I looked. they did. "You look beautiful to me," I said. She did. I hadn't had sex for ... a long time. Not, guy-girl sex, as opposed to guy-guy's asshole sex. Any broad would look good to me. But that's not the point. She was still a good looking broad, gravity or no gravity. Her husband was such a jerk. I told her so. "You're husband's such a jerk," I said, "All that Fat Monkey Squealing, Happy Chicken Ironing Shirt Eating Skinned Banana Upside-Down shit. Gets on my nerves." "You and me both," she said, smiling. "He doesn't love me anymore, anyhow. He just uses me every so often when the neighbour's away. We're getting divorced. He's marrying her. She's best friends with my youngest daughter." "Whoa, that girl gets around. And I don't mean your daughter." "I'm kinda lonely," she said. "Most everybody is, doll-face." "I'm kinda hot." "That's the air conditioning. I thought it was the mailman." "You ever thought about doing it with me? You know, having sex?" I knew what she meant the first time. God, I knew. I dropped a glass. It smashed. The base didn't reach the floor. It sat on the end of my pecker which was pecking up at the crotch of my pants. "Once or twice," I said. "Let's go do it." "I have to keep bar." "I don't care." "I care. This place is my bread and butter." "Get him to look after it," she said, looking at the other barkeep, the one I'd bought the bar off and was still employing, the one who hadn't lifted a glass in forever. "We could go upstairs." "Upstairs is a pizza joint. Better if we go back to my place." We left. Got into a cab. The cabdriver was a girl. Blonde chick with short hair. Mid-twenties. Cute. Real cute. Small. She was sitting on telephone directories. "Where you guys headed?" I told her. She drove. She was kind of talkative. Turns out that the two broads used to know each other for a while. My broad used to teach kids to drive. The cabdriver flunked eight times. By the time we got to my apartment we'd been on the road eight hours. I lived six blocks down from the bar. The cabdriver girl said she knew short-cut. I said "You *have* a short-cut," I told her. "There is no short-cut." It was a straight road. By the time we got to my place we were all good buddies and my broad was off the boil. So invited the cabby in, too, and ordered a pizza. Mexican. Hot. We ate the pizza. It was nearly six a.m.; the girls were beat. So was I. I took the couch. they took the bed. After all these years of dreaming of getting that broad into my bed, there she was. And more than that, there she was in my bed with another broad. It was heaven, except that I was on the couch. I got up the next morning, took them coffee. They were both still there, in bed. Only they were eating each other. Eating each other like the pizza we'd all shared last night, except the pizza we'd all shared was Mexican. There was no tuna in that box. It was a bad pun. I put the pun down and stepped away from the pun. Nothing to see here, move along, move along. Later, they came downstairs. Well, they walked down the stairs. Both of them had big grins on their faces. Turns out the broad was a lesbian. Both of them were lesbians. They dig each other. Dug tunnels. Stopped for lunch, all sweaty from the toil. She didn't know it. Now she did. And she was hot. The air-conditioning. Same thing. "I have to thank you," said the broad. "Without out you ... I ... With you, it would have been just another sweat soaked hard heterosexual fuck, rewarding in its own way but ultimately unsatisfying. But if it hadn't been for you ... we ... us ... we would never have found each other." I smiled. Life sucked. The broad didn't. My wrist was aching and my balls were sore. I'd been beaten off life's track again. "Whatever, funny-face," I said. "Let me just ask you one thing. Name the first kid after me." "We will," she said. They left. They didn't ask me my name, so I know she was lying. Anyway. There's this other broad. Works in a shoe store." |
